..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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