FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
