tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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