i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
