I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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