my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
