Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
