I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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