Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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