We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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