Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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