You're completely useless in the revolution.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
