mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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