You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
