You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
