I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize