My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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