Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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