every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
