Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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