Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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