I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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