i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
