I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
