ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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