i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I want her autograph on my taint
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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