i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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