Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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