you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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