What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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