We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
