and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
