Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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