Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
