Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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