HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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