I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
