"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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