Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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