thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
At least make sure they are 18
Why
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize