you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just want nice things and good sex
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
