i'm signing you up for texting rehab
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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