wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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