I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize