I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize