I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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