Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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