Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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