Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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