I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
