I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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