i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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