I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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