Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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