u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
