Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I would ride that face into the sunset
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
