the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
