2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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