A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
