she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
