Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
