Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
