i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
