I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
