I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just tell him i said nine months
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
