So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
