Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
