just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
