It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
