omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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