Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
