No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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