I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
