She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
