OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
