i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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