Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
