Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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